would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
