You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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