If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
