I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
