OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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