It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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