I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
