ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
wow bdsm is so cute
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