i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
