it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
