i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
