Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
