We got so high we made milksteak
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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