gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
