I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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