I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
