i can't believe i had my finger in that
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
