Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
