I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
