His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
