I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
