why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think a kid would responsible me up
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
