I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
