I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
