i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
