I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
