so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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