I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
