I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's the barista slut.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
