you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
