Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
