Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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