Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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