i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I booty called her while she was in labor.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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