I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need water and some morals
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
