okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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