Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wear drunk well.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
