ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
