This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
