Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
