So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
