Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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