walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize