we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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