And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's blow job season.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
