can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need to calm my uterus...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
