I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
