Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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