I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
