Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
