I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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