do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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