Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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