So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
