dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
