im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
