We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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