Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
