I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
