I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
