She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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