We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
