he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
