he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
