So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
